How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

Discussing sex with your children can feel awkward, but open conversations lay the groundwork for sexual health. Use these tips to approach the talk comfortably and effectively.

Start early. Don’t wait until right before puberty. Even in elementary school, kids start asking questions and hearing things from peers. Initiate casual talks about bodies and relationships in the early years.

Give age-appropriate information. For young kids, this means using correct terms for anatomy, explaining basic functions like reproduction, and discussing family/friend relationships. This is also for safety reasons. As soon as you teach your kids the names of any body part, you should teach your children the anatomically correct names of genitals. 

In pre-adolescence, you can expand on puberty, sexual orientation, and healthy relationships. Teens need facts about safe sex, consent, pressures and values (Advocates for Youth, 2022).

Be proactive. Look for teachable moments in everyday life instead of one big “birds and bees” talk. Media, song lyrics, and current events can prompt open-ended questions to keep the conversation ongoing.

Listen more than lecture. Make it a dialogue where kids are comfortable asking questions. Ask about what they already know and feel. Avoid judgment and encourage them to come to you.

Acknowledge discomfort. It’s okay to admit talking about sex is awkward. A little humor can ease tension. Focus on conveying your care and desire to keep them safe.

Share family values. Discuss your beliefs around relationships, consent, and when to have sex. But also encourage kids to ultimately make their own informed decisions. 

Correct misinformation. Without shaming, gently correct anything inaccurate and fill in knowledge gaps. Also, clarify media portrayals that distort reality.

Emphasize well-being over fear. Rather than just issuing warnings, explain how sex can be an emotional bonding experience. Discuss real factors like mutual consent, protection, emotions, and saying no to pressure.

Keep talking. One talk isn’t enough! Make sexual health part of your ongoing discussions as children grow. Let them know they can always come to you with questions or concerns.

Time to test how well you know your anatomy! Take the Vulva Quiz here. If you need some guidance, check out our blog on the Vulva Anatomy.